


I Can't Do This Alone

by supernaturalfreakin



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Anxiety, Broken Jack, Caring Ianto, Comforting Ianto, Depression, Discussion of Abortion, Hugs, Jack Has Feelings, Jack Has Issues, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Panic Attacks, Past Miscarriage, Post Mpreg, Strong Ianto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:01:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25951084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supernaturalfreakin/pseuds/supernaturalfreakin
Summary: Jack isn’t feeling well but Jack doesn’t get sick.How will he and Ianto cope?Trigger warnings: mpreg, mentions of abortion and miscarriage
Relationships: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones
Kudos: 35





	I Can't Do This Alone

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own anything.  
> Enjoy and please R&R.  
> Trigger warnings: mpreg, mentions of abortion and miscarriage.

I can’t do this alone

Jack isn’t feeling well but Jack doesn’t get sick. What going on and how will he and Ianto cope? mpreg

Trigger warnings: miscarriage, talk of abortion

The team had gathered in the conference room to go over their current case and exchange developments. Jack sat at the head of the table and tried listening to what the others had found out. He was having difficulties concentrating on the words and their meaning because he felt like throwing up. Again. He had enough of it by now. It wouldn’t be the first time this week not even the first time today. Right after waking up this morning he had to run to the toilet to be sick. And he was tired, so very tired he had to fight every second to not fall asleep right here and then at the table.

Someone called his name. Why were they all staring at him?

‘What?’ Jack sat up straighter, blinking a few times.

‘I asked you if… Are you alright?’ Gwen asked concerned.

‘Um... Yes.. Of course. Now what did you ask?’ Jack tried to put on his usual bright smile but even he could feel that it must look forced.

Four faces stared at him disbelievingly.

After a moment Gwen started to repeat her question from before but Jack wasn’t listening.

Gwen had said two words when he jumped up and ran over to the nearest bin only to empty his stomach contents into it for the second time in a few hours.

Everyone was startled by the sudden movement and stared at their boss in shock. No one had ever seen him sick, not even Ianto.

Breaking out of their state of shock, Owen and Ianto went over to Jack who was still kneeling in front of the bin, only dry heaving now. Both positioning themselves on one of his sides.

Ianto kneeled down to steady him and place a comforting hand on his back, rubbing in circles to ease the cramps. Jack instantly leaned into him too weak to do anything else.

Owen took his pulse and placed a hand on his forehead frowning.

‘Your pulse is way too fast and your forehead is feeling a bit warm. Since when have you been feeling ill? I didn’t even know you could be ill?!’

To regain a bit of dignity Jack moved to stand up, swaying slightly which made Owen and Ianto grab his arms to steady him. Slowly turning around to look at all of them he wanted to say that he was fine, but he never finished that sentence because his eyes rolled back into his head and his legs gave away.

Luckily Owen and Ianto acted within a second and caught the falling body before it hit the ground.

They gently lowered him down.

Owen took his pulse again and then moved him into recovery position.

‘What’s wrong Owen?’ asked Tosh from where she stood at the table.

‘I seriously don’t know. It looks like a stomach bug? But this is Jack we are talking about, so I really can’t tell. We have to wait for him to wake up. Gwen, Tosh – could you prepare med-bay for me? If he’s fit enough to walk again, we’ll move him there.’

Reluctantly the two women moved out of the room leaving Ianto and Owen kneeling by the still unconscious Captain.

‘Has he been any different in the past week or the past days?’ Owen asked Ianto while he was checking Jack over again.

‘I haven’t seen him much… We were pretty busy but when I did he looked a bit tired? I didn’t think anything by it then but I think he’s been sleeping more and he's been staying here in the hub. He didn’t come over anymore. I found him asleep at his desk two days ago. Damn.. Why didn’t I notice? There were so many signs…’ Ianto said feeling guilty that he hadn’t noticed that Jack wasn’t himself, that he didn’t feel well. He put a gentle hand through Jack's sweat soaked hair.

‘Don’t beat yourself up over it. No one noticed it but we need to find out what's wrong because this shouldn't be happening. ‘

On cue Jack began to groan. He pulled his legs closer to his upper body, curling up in a foetal position with his hands wrapped around his middle.

‘Can you open your eyes for me Jack?‘ Ianto asked still gently stroking his hair.

Slowly blinking he forced his eyes to stay open and tried focusing on Owen in front of him.

‘Please make it stop. It hurts‘ he begged curling even more into himself.

‘Tell me where it hurts and since when' Owen demanded.

‘Stomach. Been throwing up every day for a week or so and I’m so tired and dizzy at times. I’ve been sleeping every night, even fell asleep at my desk a few times. I‘m sorry Ianto, I couldn't make it home to you‘ he explained tiredly.

‘I’m sorry I didn’t notice... but why didn't you tell me? I thought you found someone else… I thought you were avoiding me…‘ said Ianto.

‘God no, I just didn’t want to worry you. I thought it would go away on its own. I've never been sick before. I didn’t know what to do'

‘Jack, can you try to stand up with our help? I want to get you to med-bay for a scan‘ Owen questioned.

After a few seconds Jack nodded weakly, placing his hands on the ground to push himself into a sitting position. Ianto moved behind his back to hold him upright. Owen held his front side and together they lifted him into a standing position but not letting go of him because he was swaying dangerously again. Jack leaned heavily on Ianto’s front. Owen and he then again went to either of Jack's side, moving his arms around their necks and slowly starting to walk in the direction of the med-bay.

It took them nearly ten minutes to get there because Jack had to take a break every few steps.

On arriving there he nearly collapsed face first on the autopsy table. His clothes were sweat drenched and he was panting like he had run a marathon. Ianto then helped him lad down on the table. Still panting he curled back into himself and his arms around his middle. He rested for about five minutes while Owen got the scanner ready.

‘Jack, can you please sit up for me again and Ianto get outta my way’ said Owen while getting a scanner.

Ianto helped Jack back into a seating position and then moved over to the stairs out of Owen’s way. One hand was on the autopsy table in a white-knuckled grip. The other one was still around his stomach trying to soothe his discomfort.

Tosh and Gwen stood on the railing above Ianto, Jack and Owen - watching as Owen placed the scanner in front of Jack.

Jack knew what to do, so he leaned forward and placed one hand on the scanners surface. Seeing the green light move beneath his hand he raised his head to look at the projection on the wall.

There was a small pink dot in the lower region of his stomach. This couldn’t be possible.

‘I guess you weren’t joking when you said you could get pregnant…’ Owen muttered staring at the projection.

‘No, no, no, no…. Please tell me you’re joking’ Jack whispered voice breaking.

‘Congratulations, you are pregnant. Six weeks along by the looks of it’ said Owen turning around to look at Jack.

He was pale and sweaty with his eyes wide open and pupils dilated. His mouth hung open in shock staring ahead at the wall and the pink dot.

Ianto was the same, staring with big eyes at the projection not believing what he was seeing. 

Owen was brought out of his own observation as he heard erratic and loud breathing. It was coming from Jack, he was starting to hyperventilate – a panic attack.

‘Okay everyone out. Ianto come over here’ he commanded while going over to the panicking Jack. He picked his hand off the scanner and turned the device off including the projection. Both women made their way back into the main area of the hub not saying a word.

The disappearance of the picture brought Ianto back to awareness.

‘Get over here Ianto, now’ Owen repeated.

Unsure of what to do Ianto slowly went over to the two men. Owen was trying to tell Jack how to calm his breathing but it didn’t seem to work.

Not knowing what else to do Ianto pulled Jack into his arms. Drawing circles on his back and alternating between kissing his head and whispering soothing words to calm Jack’s panic and sobs.

What he didn’t expect was Jack to push him away with such force that made him stumble backwards.

‘Get away from me’ he sob-screamed while pushing himself forward to the edge of the table, hopping down. His feet touched the ground, his behind resting against the edge. Then he put his head in his hands while continuing to sob, whispering to himself over and over ‘I can’t do this.’

Ianto and Owen shared a look silently asking the other one what was going on and what they should do but neither of them knew the answer to that. Mutely agreeing Owen made his way out of the medical bay, far away for some privacy but near enough in case they needed him.

‘Jack can you please tell me what’s going on? What can’t you do?’ asked Ianto slowly stepping forward to Jack.

‘I can’t be pregnant. I can’t give birth to a child and I can’t be a father’ he screamed.

‘Please calm down. We can talk about this but please calm down and take deep breaths. Can you do that for me?’

Ianto now stood right in front of Jack who was still breathing too fast and shallow.

‘I’m going to touch you now, okay?’

‘I’m so sorry, Ianto, please forgive me, please… I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you’

Jack’s breathing got even faster. If he didn’t get to calm Jack down in the next few minutes he would have to call Owen to sedate him.

Ianto gently placed his hand on Jack’s head which was still buried in his own hands. Stroking gently through the brown, wet strands, he slowly stepped forward trying not to scare Jack off again. He was still leaning against the table, so his head was on the same height as Ianto’s chest. Taking one more step he guided Jack’s head to his chest while continuing to stoke through his hair.

For several moments they stood like this. Ianto trying to calm him down with soothing gestures while Jack didn’t move except for his shallow, fast breathing and his body-wrecking sobs.

‘Why do you think I would leave you? I mean this is quite a shock and I still can’t comprehend this… situation… but why would I leave you?’ Ianto whispered into Jack’s hair.

‘Because I’m pregnant. Believe me, I didn’t want this to happen. Please forgive me. We can fix this, right?’

‘Jack, is this baby mine?’

This one question was too much to handle for Jack at the moment. He felt his legs go numb and himself slowly sliding towards the ground. Hadn’t it been for Ianto’s reaction he would have hit the ground hard but Ianto had been there. Slowly easing both of them to the ground and then taking Jack completely into his arms rocking him back and forward.

Jack’s sobs nearly broke Ianto’ heart. Was he really thinking that he would leave because of this?

They stayed like this for nearly fifteen minutes until Jack had noticeably calmed down.

‘Do you really think I would cheat on you?’ Jack whispered barely audible into Ianto’s shoulder.

‘Honestly, we only started out as a shag and we never said we were exclusive so then I would have said yes but now I think there’s more between us. Even if we have never said so. I mean I can be wrong, feel free to correct me there but I think we are more than just a shag now. Think about it, you’ve just apologizes for not coming over to mine. That’s quite domestic don’t you think? But nevertheless that wasn’t what I was aiming at. I wanted to show you that this child is both yours and mine. We are in this together and we are going to get through this.’ He paused for a second ‘What scares you so much?’

‘How can you be so calm about this’ Jack countered disbelievingly.

‘Trust me, I’m not calm at all but you need me right now. So tell me, what scares you the most right now?’

‘I want to grow old with you but I can’t. I can’t age and I can’t die. If I had this child, I would outlive it. How do you explain all this to a child? How am I... are we going to care for a child? What if it has the same condition as me. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. My only daughter doesn’t want me in my life. I’ve never been a good father and I never will be. This isn’t fair to the baby and I can’t go through what happened the last time...’ he trailed off only then realizing what he had just said.

‘You mean the last time you were pregnant?’ Ianto asked.

Jack gave a jerky nod.

‘What happened the last time you were pregnant. Tell me all about it’ he said while continuing to rock Jack slowly.

‘You’re going to hate me if I tell you’ Jack whispered, his voice breaking.

‘No I won’t hate you. I’ll stay right here with you and listen’ Ianto reassured.

Jack knew he had to tell him no matter how painful the memories were. He braced himself for what he was going to say next and took a deep breath ‘We were just shagging then and at some point I noticed that something was wrong, so I went to see a doctor. I was actually thrilled when I found out I was pregnant. I told him afterwards and we had a huge fight about how to continue. I decided to keep the child and he walked out on me’ He took another deep breathe ‘I was six month pregnant when I started having cramps. I saw the doctor right away and was hospitalized. A day later I went into early labour and they couldn’t stop it. The child and me, we both died during the birth and I’ve never forgiven myself for it...’ He started sobbing again.

Ianto had expected a lot but not this. This was horrible and unfair. Now he could understand why Jack was scared as hell, he was too at the thought of Jack being in danger and the baby of course but no matter what he would stay.

‘Jack listen to me. What happened wasn’t your fault. Please believe me. Miscarriages happen and sadly way too often. It’s unpredictable. I’m sorry you had to go through it alone but I’m here and I’m going to stay no matter what’s going to happen. Whatever you are going to decide - if you want to keep it or not - I’ll be here and have your back.’ Ianto promised holding him close.

‘Don’t promise anything you can’t keep’ Jack whispered ‘But this isn’t just my baby, it’s ours. I want us to decide together, please I can’t do this alone. Please....’

‘I’m here, it’s okay. I’m staying’ he hushed

A few minutes later he started again ‘I want Owen to check you and the baby – see if you two are alright and ask for his opinion on how to continue, is that okay?’

He felt jack nod against his chest and so he called Owen back down into the medical bay. He then explained the situation and what happened during the first pregnancy.

Owen told Jack to free his chest, open his trousers and lay down on the table while he got the ultrasound ready and the cold gel spread over his stomach.

Ianto was at his side the whole time, holding his hand and comforting him.

A bit of a search later, Owen found the small foetus nestled in Jack’s lower body. It looked like a very, very small worm and after a few adjustments they could hear the baby’s fast heartbeat. Both of the stared at the picture in awe and then at each other until Owen started to speak, so they focussed on him.

‘My first guess was right. You’re at the end of the sixth week of the pregnancy. The foetus development looks normal and we’ve heard the heartbeat. So everything’s fine with it. What I’ve gathered and seen is that you’ve been throwing up quite a lot, you feel exhausted and you’ve been having dizzy spells. Anything else?’

Jack shook his head negatively.

‘Alright, that’s also common. If it gets any worse or something feels strange, speak to me, got it? Otherwise, I would say, that this is a healthy and average pregnancy if we leave out the fact that you are male. As for now you’ve got two options. First one is, you go through with this pregnancy which I’d say right now is possible. The child will be delivered by a caesarean. Option two would be the termination which requires a small surgery. I want you two to take some time to go through those options, listen to your feelings and then decide. Take all the time you need and then we’ll talk again or if questions arrive. In the meantime, take it slow and get some rest and if you need anything you know where to find me. Any more questions?’

Both silently shook their head.

‘Fine, then go home and rest’ with that he dismissed the men and went back to work.

Thanking Owen they made their way over to Jack’s office, grabbed their coats and left the hub through the tourist office.

Standing side by side outside the hub, they breathed the fresh air.

Ianto then turned his head and looked at Jack. He had his eyes closed and was still clammy and pale looking.

Reaching out he placed his hand inside Jack’s making him open his eyes.

‘Let’s go home’

A small smile appeared on both their faces.

Side by side, hands intertwined, they slowly walked towards Ianto’s flat.


End file.
